The album art for Devilment's "The Great and Secret Show"

For a brief moment in time, I had a vague suspicion that Cradle of Filth might be done. This was largely because Danni Filth was using Cradle of Filth’s Facebook page to promote his new band, Devilment, every single chance he got. In recent years, I’ve gotten the impression that Cradle of Filth is essentially The Danni Show. The fact the entire lineup has been replaced at least twice over by now kind of supports this theory.

Of course, a year later, Cradle of Filth would put out “Hammer of the Witches”, thus shattering that suspicion into well-organized pieces. Devilment would even open for Cradle on a couple of their shows if both of their Facebook pages are accurate. Dude, I don’t live in Europe: there’s virtually no way I’m going to see those shows even if I wanted to!

This begs the question: what is Devilment exactly? Is this a one-shot band that Danni decided to provide vocals for out of boredom that we’ll never hear from again? Is Danni going to pull a Corey Tayler and start flipflopping between bands? Or is Devilment to Cradle of Filth what Device ultimately ended up being for Disturbed? Ultimately not a bad side project, but not popular enough to stand up on its own on the basis it sounds way too much like its predecessor.

All I know at the time of this writing is this much: Devilment is… Okay. Not great, not terrible, just okay.

In areas, it does sound like Cradle of Filth. Fifteen years ago, that’d be absolutely fine with me, having been a devout follower of the gospel of all things Cradle back then. Here and now in 2015… The familiarity is comforting, but it doesn’t light my world on fire anymore.

Other songs, though, such as “Even Your Blood Group Rejects Me” and “Mother Khali” sound enough like their own songs. I kind of wish everything on the album had gone with this heavy groove sound instead of just three or four songs. If nothing else, it would warrant hanging on to this album that much longer.

While I still Love Cradle of Filth even now, I have to admit that despite a couple intriguing tunes, Devilment just doesn’t do it for me. Danni Filth has proven two things to me throughout my life:

1. He’s incapable of pulling off cover tunes, provided they aren’t of something like Slayer or something.

2. His vocal style is way too specialized. It works great for Cradle of Filth, giving them their distinct sound, but it tends to hinder other bands in the process.

Devilment, as well as Motionless and White’s “Puppet 3” is proof of number 2.

Again, I don’t hate this album, or even the band as a whole. At the same time, you’ll forgive me if I’m not especially excited for a possible sophomore release.


Wednesdays just got a lot more brutal. Partly because my job has been starting us off early on Wednesdays due to the fact we’re more understaffed than I think we’ve ever been, but mostly because my favorite animated sitcom in the world has decided to typecast progressives as Oakley wearing PC Nazi frat boys or something. Also, this whole thing with each new season of South Park actually being in continuity lock is something I really can’t decide if I can get behind or not. Yeah, I get it that TV is evolving… By which I most likely mean it’s dying, and the team of Netflix and Hulu are currently picking apart the corpse. But man, You do a show for twenty years one way, then decide to do something like this, and it gets a little disorienting. And frankly, I resent the whole PC thing. I think of myself as a progressive and all, but nowhere near to that extent. I don’t care what Bruce Jenner decides to call himself and do to his body (largely because nothing he does can undo the damage he did to his reputation after spending so many years with the CarCrashians), I don’t go out of my way to make people “check their privilege”, and speaking as an afficionato of sunglasses, I honestly think that Oakleys are over rated.

And then there’s the show that comes on after this latest season of South Park: a little number by the name of Moonbeam City. I keep finding myself wanting to type Moonrise Kingdom, but that’s something completely different. Something I absolutely fucking hated, and unsurprisingly has a fucking four out of five stars on Netflix at the time of this writing.

Honestly, I wanted to like Moonbeam City. After watching the first episode, the only thing I could really say about it was that it’s very… Purple. And that was literally it. A couple weeks, and a couple more episodes later, I have more of an opinion of it. And as of yesterday’s episode, I find I’m slowly but surely losing my patience.

The show does have a lot going for it. The setting is pretty fascinating, and the jokes have been more hit than miss in the longrun. But then you take into account Zazzle is the main character. This is the kind of guy who’d be funny to have as a secondary character, or even a one-shot main character that you never hear from after his one and only episode. Sadly, this is his show. And trust me, Zazzle wears out his welcome in a real fucking hurry.

I don’t know if I’m getting older, or if the people I’m hanging around are starting to rub off on me. All I know is if I watched this show, say, ten years ago, I’d probably be able to put up with this Randal Graves caliber imbecile and his shinanigans. Sadly, at this point in my life, I find my tolerance for stupid seems to be going down, and Zazzle is the kind of character who really gets on my nerves after a while.

The show’s villain of the week formula also doesn’t really do it for me. Villain of the [WHENEVER] shows aren’t immediately bad. It’s just that in the case of this show, it’s only been three episodes, and I have a feeling I know how every episode after this point is going to go. Zazzle’s going to get assigned to a case, he bungles it horribly, the chief bitches him out, Zazzle tries again, Zazzle gets distracted by something shiny, Zazzle focuses on shiny throughout the entire episode, the criminal Zazzle’s supposed to be arresting somehow finds a way to accidentally cross paths with the shiny, something happens to criminal, and Zazzle takes the credit. It’s like Inspector Gadget, minus the gadgets and adding in a lot more blue comedy. And I don’t care what anybody says, I fucking hated Inspector Gadget. Even as a five-year-old boy, I looked at Inspector Gadget, and thought “My god, nobody on Earth could possibly be this stupid!” Then we elected George W. Bush as our president. Twice.

What was I talking about again? Oh right, Moonbeam City.

Zazzle is probably the most irritating thing about the show, and it’s not helped at all by the fact that he’s the primary focus of the entire show. Yet, at the exact same time, for reasons I can’t explain, it’s difficult to turn away from entirely. The show overall is actually not as bad as it could be. I guess if Zazzle is the only bad thing about the show, I’ll have to relearn my tolerance for stupid, and tell myself “it’s just a show. I should really just relax.”

I’m not about to dismiss this show as awful as of this writing, but I’m not exactly in a hurry to recommend it. I guess this is one of those things you need to watch for yourself in the longrun.


First and foremost, apparently they aren’t Ghost B.C. anymore. Technically, they never were anywhere outside America, but for some reason, they had to go by Ghost B.C. in the states. I’m guessing there was already a band or a DJ over here with that name that ended up not going anywhere or something. It’s a moot point now, because now they can officially call themselves Ghost here.

2015 has been a very interesting year for music. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I looked forward to so many album releases in one year. Blind Guardian put out their latest after five years (not counting a best of album), Disturbed apparently reunited after all their respective side projects didn’t pan out and put out something new, Gloryhammer just put out their newest today, Fear Factory revealed to me personally that they apparently still exist and have a new album out, Breaking Benjamin rebuilt itself from the ground up and released a new album after six years (again not counting the best of)… And of course, at the top of that list of things I was totally looking forward to… Actually, it was a tie between this and the new Gloryhammer, but never the less, I was really looking forward to the latest from Ghost.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Ghost is the single most interesting thing I’ve heard out of Sweden, and perhaps metal in general, for a very long time. “Meliora” has been described by critics as everything from “their most ambitious album yet”, to “a dramatic improvement over 2013’s offering”. As far as the latter statement goes, I actually liked “Infestissamum”. That being said, this is definitely their best work to date.

I will admit right out the gate, “From the Pentacle to the Pit” had to grow on me. Everything else, though, was instantly captivating. There’s enough diversity on this track list to where no track sounds exactly like the other, but at the same time, each track still manages to sound like Ghost. Perhaps it’s not quite as psychedelic as “Infestissamum” was, but it definitely has more variety to it than “Opus Eponimus” did. Believe me, when you live in a city where the popular rock and metal acts are the kind of guys who made careers out of writing the same two or three songs across a minimum of three albums, this sort of thing is greatly appreciated.

The word meliora, I’m told, is a latin word meaning something along the lines of “searching for something better”. I think we’ve all been there. Although I’m probably the only one here who actually entertained the idea of Satanism for a split second. Right up until I learned Antoine LaVey’s book was basically nothing but Aen Rand and candles. And I fucking hate Aen Rand like any human being with a hint of common sense would.

I forgot where I was going with that aside.

If you pick up any Ghost album, you definitely ought to pick this one up. Aside for some tracks that are basically introductions to other tracks, there’s quite literally nothing I’d consider skip worthy.


I’m going to be honest with you, reader: I have a real love-hate relationship with Guns and Roses. On one hand, “Welcome to the Jungle”, both the song and the entire album, was actually pretty good. I’ve heard some people refer to GNR during that time as “the bridge between hair metal and grunge”, and it’s not hard to see where they get this claim. They did have a couple of hair metal esque songs, but they didn’t have the hair metal look. And believe me, I appreciate that.

And then I encountered the “Use Your Illusion” albums. Sweet merciful fuck, what happened here!?

While I wasn’t a fan of every GNR song ever written, even the worst of GNR wasn’t bad up till I discovered these atrocities. My god, “Chinese Democracy” wasn’t even this bad! And “Chinese Democracy” is, in all honesty, a trainwreck. But at least “Chinese Democracy” has an excuse, what with Axl having to rebuild the band three times over among other complications.

“Use Your Illusion” 1 and 2 are, hands down, some of the most pretentious albums I’ve ever heard in my life. These albums are the product of someone who thinks he’s a lot deeper than he actually is, and decided he wanted to show that aspect he thinks he has off to the world. I’m up for experimentation and all, but there’s experimentation, and then there’s this bullshit.

Admittedly, I never owned physical copies of either “Use Your Illusion”, but everything I’ve heard off this album has been garbage. No wonder the rest of the band left to form Velvet Revolver years later. It speaks volumes of how much of an asshole you are when Scott fucking Weiland is more preferable than you. Also, even at his worst, Scott Weiland can actually carry a fucking tune.

I debated for years about including some “Use Your Illusion” tracks on my SISOH list into this series. Here and now, I decided to do yet another marathon article, and showcase the ones that drive me especially nuts. So without further wasting of your time, let’s get the Use Your Illusionathon started!

1. Live and Let Die

We start with GNR’s cover of “Live and let Die” by Wings. Believe me, this song is hilarious. And it’s hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

If you need proof that Axl can’t carry a tune outside of his own material, here it is. Slash, god bless him, really doesn’t help with that “bling, blong, bling blong” bit when the rest of the band kicks in for the first time. I’m not sure what he’s trying for, but it just comes off as awkward to me. Although I have heard the original song by Wings was featured in a James Bond movie, and that part was supposed to act as sound effects for stuff going on on screen, it still seems like it doesn’t belong here.

All and all, I crack up virtually every time I hear this song. And that’s not a good thing, either.

2. November Rain

Oh dear god. Where as “Live and Let Die” was hilarious, this song is just painful.

I get that even good bands have to have a ballad every now and then. A lot of ballads aren’t even that bad. But this song has got to be one of the most unbearable ballads I think I’ve ever heard in my life. And that includes any girl with a piano or douchebag with an acoustic guitar one hit wonder.

And of course, just in case the rest of this melodramatic headache wasn’t bad enough, Axl feels compelled to end the song by holding out a note for the longest god damn time possible. I’m not exactly sure what this moment is supposed to prove to anyone… Other than Axl can hold out notes for a long time and make it sound really obnoxious. Then again, this entire fucking song is a real chore to get through, so I don’t feel compelled to investigate.

3. Civil War

Speaking of pretentious, we have this one. From the Cool Hand Luke soundbyte at the beginning, to the whistling of “the ants go marching one by one”, right down to Axl declaring “what’s so civil about war?” at the end, this song has pretentious written all fucking over it.

The nicest thing I could say about this song is that Axl was a good twelve years ahead of his time, considering The Soviet Union had pretty much collapsed that year, and we wouldn’t be fighting another wildly unpopular war till 2003 when we’d abandon our quest for vengeance against The Tallaban so we could nuke Iraq for some reason. Unfortunately, that’s about all I can say about the song that’s positive. And even that much is pushing it.

4. Yesterdays

You know, in hindsight, I probably should’ve led with this one. It’s pretty difficult to top “Civil War” in terms of horrendousness, and this song… At least by comparison, isn’t as bad.

Really, the worst thing I can say is Axl’s singing voice is especially irritating in this song. Clearly, this man was not meant for piano ballads. “Sweet Child of Mine” is probably as ballady as that voice can, and should be. Seriously, it’s moments like this I almost envy the deaf. Except I’m already sort of blind, and the last thing I need is to compound impairments on top of what I already have.

Still, at the end of the day, this could easily be the least worst “Use Your Illusion” has to offer.

5. Knocking on Heaven’s Door

I have fond memories of this song playing in the background of a Nick Diamond tribute montage back when Celebrity Deathmatch was both funny and relevant. Seriously, you watch enough episodes of Celebrity Deathmatch, and you’ll find yourself wondering who fifty percent of these people even are. All that being said… Yeah, this isn’t the greatest cover ever.

It’s not as unintentionally hilarious as “live and let die”, but I’ve heard better. I honestly have no idea what else to say aside from that. Kind of an anticlimactic finish to a marathon, I know, but “I’ve heard better” is really all I can say about this one.

And there you have it. Five entries that have been on my SISOH list since I first started compiling this series.

the album art for Breaking Benjamin's "Dark Before Dawn"

Breaking Benjamin is, hands down, one of my favorite bands from my high school years. They’re actually one of the very few bands from that era I haven’t sold off to second-hand stores yet, nor do I ever plan on it. Even if “Phobia” kind of left something to be desired.

True story: I actually got my copies of “Saturate”, “We Are Not Alone”, and “Phobia” signed by the original lineup of the band. One of them even complimented my Weird Al shirt that I was wearing at the time, and we ended up talking Weird Al for about ten seconds. The shirt talk is probably meaningless to everybody else, but I’m guessing those autographed copies in my collection are probably worth a generous handful now that the original lineup is dissolved, and Benjamin Burnley is literally the only original member of the band left.

“Dark Before Dawn” is the first album to feature the new lineup. Maybe it’s just my ear, but if I didn’t have all the information about that lawsuit and the dissolving of the original lineup prior to this album, I’d never have guessed there were such critical replacements made. Despite the vocalist being the only original member left, this still manages to sound exactly like the Breaking Benjamin of old!

On one hand, if you’ve heard Benjamin albums in the past, prepare for little to change. Even with a new lineup, it’s clear that Burnley found a formula of song writing that works, yet is diverse enough to keep songs from sounding exactly like each other. [INSERT 5 FINGER DEATH PUNCH JOKE HERE].

Really, the only track I really find myself skipping is the intro. Not even because it’s a bad intro. If anything, I skip it because I just want to get to the actual damn music! Aside from that one detail, there really isn’t a skippable track on the entire album that I’ve found.

The first single, “Failure”, kind of seems to be the overall theme of the album. I could be putting more there than there actually is, but everything on the album has something to do with dark times. I’ve heard through the band’s Facebook page Burnley’s health has been… Questionable at best, so I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of the writing process came from that.

All and all, this is a surprisingly good second coming. Most bands who have to rebuild like this, and don’t have a “this guy’s the only important member” dynamic like a lot of the European metal bands I like seem to, aren’t nearly as successful in my opinion. I refer you to The Smashing Pumpkins reunion that ultimately ended up becoming The Billy Corgan Band. I mean sure, I liked “Zeitgeist” well enough, but everything afterward has a distinct lack of Chamberlin.

“Dark Before Dawn” is definitely a must have if you’re a Breaking Benjamin fan.


Earlier in the year, we lost one of the greats. I wrote a disjointed eulogy that probably had more to do with audio books on cassettes than the man himself at the time. Yeah, I’ve noticed my writing has become a lot more disjointed and all over the place lately. As much as I joke about having ADD, I’m starting to wonder if that might actually not be a joke. But I digress.

It was announced on his Facebook page by Team Pratchet (I assume) that he had written one last book: The Shepherd’s Crown. The title alone already told me it was going to be a Tiffany Aching story, and sure enough, I was right. No complaints here. Tiffany Aching herself is okay, but the real reason to get excited is because if Tiffany’s in it, the nac mac feegles aren’t too far behind. And I love the nac mac feegles.

I got to say, though, I was somehow eager and not eager to pick it up at the exact same time. Eager, because it’s the last Terry Pratchet book ever. Not eager… Because it’s the last Terry Pratchet book ever. I may not have read every single Discworld novel ever… In fact, I’ve only ever read most of the Granny Weatherwax stories, and mostly one of the Moist Von Lipwig stories (I think it was Going Postal), but I’ve read enough of Discworld to know the humor, and know how Terry Pratchet’s style works. And knowing this is where it ends is actually kind of depressing.

Somehow, knowing that this was where the legacy would end was probably why I ended up not enjoying it as much as I probably would’ve liked. Nothing was really wrong with the story… In fact, it’s pretty gutsy to have Granny Weatherwax not only die in the very beginning, but die rather unimpressively in her sleep of all things. Yeah, I’d worry about spoilers, but it literally happens in, like, the first two chapters.

I don’t know, maybe I was expecting the villain of the book to be less of a pushover than he ended up being. I guess Tiffany Aching stories are technically for a younger audience, so maybe I shouldn’t be expecting the villain to plan things out as well. Also, a lot of the focus was less on the return of the elves, and more on Tiffany trying to fill the void Granny Weatherwax left behind. However, at the same time, I’m kind of surprised that was how it went down.

All that aside, though, It was far from a terrible book. And I’m not saying that to avoid controversy. It had a couple things that left something to be desired, but overall, it held my attention. If you’ve read the other Tiffany Aching stories, you’ll enjoy this one.

And so, the Discworld novels end. A pitty, really. According to the eulogy at the end of The Shepherd’s Crown, they say Pratchet had actually drawn up blueprints for a couple other Discworld novels, but passed away before he could get to the writing phase. I’m sure they would’ve been interesting to read, but perhaps this is the place to stop.

Every now and then, I look at songs that I put on my SISOH list for one reason or another, and find myself wondering why I included them. Probably because I hated them a lot more in the past than I do now. Probably because the amount of radio play was significantly higher than it is now. Or maybe the damn song just grew on me. Either way, I tend to retire songs from this list just as often as I add them, and once again, it’s time to honor the ones that somehow found their way off the list.

1. Tonic’s “If You Can Only See”

Tonic was one of those bands that was all over the god damn place back in 1998 or so, but nowadays, the only reason I even know the band exists in the first place is that my mom still likes to pull out that album of theirs every now and then. And come to think of it, I think the only reason I hated Tonic as much as I did back then was because my mom liked them. It was a lot more understandable back then, considering I was about thirteen or fourteen or so, but here in 2015, I’m finding my mom and I have a lot more in common when it comes to taste in music. I joke about refusing to like Red Sun Rising because my mom decided to like them, but that’s really all it is anymore. I’m not one of those elitist indiefags who hates a band for having more than three people in the audience.

Listening to this song for the first time since middle school, and I mean really listening to it, it’s honestly not bad. I’ve definitely heard a lot worse. Really, the only criticism I can come up with off the top of my head is that these guys were pretty much the product of their time. But boy was it a time.

2. Pop Evil’s “Beautiful”

Long time readers of this blog know I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with Pop Evil. For every “Last Man Standing”, there’s a “Boss’ Daughter”. For every “Deal with the Devil”, there’s a “Torn to Pieces”. And for a while, “Beautiful” was looking like something I was going to shit all over.

To make a long-winded rant short, it struck me as another contribution to the “I Was Born This Way” fad Lady Gaga started back in… I want to say 2010? Either way, this Pop Evil tune struck me as being on the pandering side. They wrote “Boss’ Daughter” on the album that came before this one, after all. They’re clearly not beneath appealing to trends, fads, and/or the lowest common denominator.

However, a pretty generous amount of time has passed, and honestly, I don’t hate this song as much now. It kind of helps that “Footsteps” is now the one getting played on loop (although that song isn’t bad either). I don’t know why this song grew on me, but it did.

3. Shinedown’s “Cut the Cord”

Long time readers know that I’ve actually gotten around to inducting this one. Those same readers probably noticed said induction disappeared completely from the blog.

The first reason was that one of my big nagging points was disproven recently. Shinedown actually did come up with a better name for the album than “Five”. I forget what they went with, but I remember thinking it was a lot better.

Also… What can I say? This one also grew on me. The induction of this song is actually one of the times I decided to backtrack, reevaluate my opinion, and after deciding I liked this song, I decided to remove the induction.

Sure, it’s kind of quirky, but it ended up being the most appealing part of the song in the end.

4. Flyleaf’s “Again”

When Flyleaf first hit the scene, I fucking hated them. Hell, even now, the nicest thing I have to say about them is that the lead singer reminds me of a female Benjamin Burnley. That’s the guy who sings for Breaking Benjamin, by the way. Try to keep up.

Here and now, I hesitate to say I’m a fan of Flyleaf, or even that I like them. However, practically a decade or whatever later, I find myself hearing this song again, and thinking to myself “You know, this could’ve been a lot worse than it actually is.” For example, it could be In This Moment.

Yeah, I’m not giving up that ghost.

5. DMX

Really, name a song. It doesn’t even matter anymore. A decade and a half later, I can say that songs like “X Gon’ Give It to Ya” don’t even bother me anymore. In fact, I might even go as far as to say DMX was probably the last halfway decent rapper in the genre.

And I’d probably have forgotten all about the guy if Rick and Morty didn’t feature his song as the montage music in a beatdown sequence. It’s no “Get Shwifty”, but a decade later, I’ll take it.

I figure including DMX as a whole will account for the fact this list is pretty short this go around. So there.

That’s all for this week. Come back next week, and I’m sure I’ll find something that either sucks, or I personally find annoying.

the album art for Kamelot's "Haven"

When I think of badass power metal, one of the last places on Earth I’d ever think of looking is god damn Florida. So imagine my surprise when one of my newest favorite bands ever apparently originated from there. Seriously, I never thought I’d find anything in Florida but Cubans, sex offenders, and aligators.

Kamelot, despite originating from Florida, has a Swedish vocalist. Because it’s one of the rules of power metal I guess. Though nobody told that to Blind Guardian, I notice. And Kamelot themselves made due with a Norwegian up till about 2011 or so according to my research.

I picked up “Haven”, Kamelot’s 2015 offering, purely out of curiosity. Also, that one song I heard wasn’t on Spotify, so I had to bite the bullet.

I’ll admit, these guys didn’t grab my attention right away. Even the one song I’d heard and decided I liked wasn’t quite what I’d call spectacular. I’m not sure what happened, but one day, I just sat down, and gave it another go. Somehow, a couple weeks later, it sank in more effortlessly.

There isn’t a single song on this album I’d consider skip worthy, but I have to say that my favorite on this entire album has got to be “Under Gray Skies”. Yes, you heard right. Assuming you actually know what I’m talking about. The fucking ballad of the album is my favorite. If I could explain it, believe me, I would. Till then, it is what it is, with “Veil of Elysium” making a dangerously close second.

If you ask me personally, there’s not a whole lot about these guys that make them stand out from the other power metal acts. I listened to these guys for the first time, and thought for sure this was the kind of band someone could mistake for something like Stratovarius, or maybe even Hammerfall if they weren’t paying a whole lot of attention. But like I said above, it grew on me, and I’m very glad it did.

I recommend you give this album a try. It may not reinvent the wheel, but I’ve definitely heard worse.


I heard the news this past Monday. Frankly, it was just about every post on my Facebook’s newsfeed for that afternoon, so how could I not have heard it? Wes Craven, one of the many gods of the horror genre, has passed away.

Wes Craven was most well known for A Nightmare on Elm Street. Or at least the first two. I can’t remember if he had anything to do with the other five, but I vaguely remember him commenting something along the lines of everything past 2 sucked. Which could be said of a lot of horror franchises, but I digress.

Nightmare on Elm Street is hands down one of my favorites in the slasher subgenre of horror. Fuck Jason, Freddy was always the man. Even if he was a bit of a cartoon character towards the end.

Wes Craven was responsible for other classics. Most of which have been remade, and suck in comparison to the original. Some of which include The Hills Have Eyes, Last House on the Left, and the Scream series just to name a few.

True, not everything the man gave us was gold. There was Dracula 2000: a movie whose only redeemable quality was the fact it had “Bloodline” by Slayer in the soundtrack. But like I always say, even the greats make a flub every now and then.

It’s a sad state of affairs knowing that horror has lost one of its greats. And knowing the closest thing to a modern horror writing genius is either a guy with a fascination for stapling mouths to butts, or a bunch of random suits cranking out nothing but halfassed ghosty-ghoul flicks that wished they were Paranormal Activity, and it only makes it worse. In fact, I hated Paranormal Activity when everybody else liked it!

You will be missed, Mr. Craven.

Oh… My… God. I literally can’t remember the last time I hated a song this much. As much as I bitched about “I Miss the Misery” by Halestorm, at least the concept was listenable. Hell, rewrite the lyrics to something a little less doormatish, and it’d be a great song. This, on the other hand… I… Wow.

I’m not sure if the singer is Mozella, or if that’s the name of the entire group, but for the sake of convenience, and because I have no desire to research shit I hate, I’m just going to assume the former.

I honestly can’t decide if Mozella is a six-year-old boy, or a sixty-year-old woman. Either way, the voice alone is like nails on a fucking chalkboard for me.

Then we get to the actual song. Dear god, the song! I always joke about some songs giving me a serious case of diabetes, but I’m seriously convinced that’s what this song’s goal is.

And yes, I know full well that I’m a metalhead at heart, and the cult of metal is built entirely around hatred and the desire to murder everyone on Earth. I know full well I’m probably the last person on Earth who should be griping about a song that doesn’t even play on his favorite stations.

Except this sucky song has long since transcended radio, and has apparently become the new jingle associated with MacDonalds. Splice in the “I’m Lovin’ it” jingle performed by a bunch of people fucking whistling of all things, and there you go. I’ll admit, I like MacDonalds’ fries every now and then (especially after Windies went and fucked theirs up), but aside from that, I’ve never liked the whole “I’m Lovin’ it” jingle. The fact it’s lasted this long is actually kind of impressive. But I digress.

The fact it’s on a commercial means it plays on EVERYTHING. Radio stations, TV, those skippable ads on Youtube… Okay, maybe not the last one so much, but still, it transcends your typical music genre that can be avoided by not listening to alternative stations anymore.

My god, when did alternative get so bad? I still remember when emo was the big thing in the alternative scene, and I used to think that emo was as bad as it was going to get. Between all the hipsterfags calling themselves “indie” and trying way too hard to be Jack White or The Flaming Lips (both of whom suck out loud anyway), and songs like this, though, I got to say, Simple Plan is really starting to sound pretty listenable by comparison now. How could this happen to me?

I’ll try not to go into any rants, considering I have work in, like, thirty minutes, but yeah, this song… You know, saying it sucks is pretty much an insult to about eighty percent of the songs I’ve put on here. I need a new word for this particular case. 5 Finger Death Punch sucks, but even at their worst, I can still finish out the song. Here, I… I just can’t do it. Not without searching for the nearest icepick, anyway.